Transition

n: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another All the clichés are true: “Nothing is constant except change.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “When one door closes, another one opens.”

Even John Lennon nailed it with a lyric in his “Beautiful Boy”: “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”

Being a parent is tough; I learned that very quickly when I decided to go back to work after our son was born five years ago. I really enjoyed working, but it was hard to leave him each day.

Now we have a second child, a daughter, and the struggle became unbearable. So in May of this year, I decided to leave my job and stay at home full-time with five-year-old Noah and one-year-old Natalee.

The idea had been floated before, even before my husband and I had kids. I’ve always enjoyed working, but when Natalee was born it became too hard to justify spending what we did on daycare. Plus, I missed them and I wanted to spend time with them. So, with my husband’s full support, we made it happen.

Me and my kiddos on my first day as a stay-at-home mom, May 2018

I know how valuable it is to spend this time together. My mother was a stay-at-home mom until I was 10 years old and some of my most favorite memories are of just the two of us during those years. It wasn’t about any expensive activities we did; we didn’t have a lot of extra money for that. Instead, it was laying in bed reading books, watching movies in our pajamas and playing Memory at the kitchen table.

When we did have the opportunity for a “treat,” it often just meant lunch at McDonalds. She even made that feel special.

It was those types of memories that I wanted to create with my own children. Especially since I lost my mom when I was 23 years old (15 years ago now), I know just how important those memories are. When I’m particularly missing my mom, I remember those lazy days—and I can picture her smiling at me.

Me and my mom, 1981

But I’m not going to lie. Making this transition has been difficult.

I have been working nearly every day since I was 19, and I enjoyed it. I worked in retail for five and a half years, where I made some incredible friends, and I had two amazing part-time jobs over the same period of time that involved writing, editing and working with kids. Then, I spent 10 of the best years working for a Jewish community newspaper, and later, two years with a really unique and highly regarded nonprofit organization.

The thought of not working for a while was enticing, but I wondered if I would be able to handle the day-to-day stress of two little kids. I wasn’t going on vacation. I knew this would be work, too, just a different type.

The first day was terrifying to me, but we did it. And it got easier as the weeks went by. I learned that I didn’t have to entertain both kids all day every day, and my daughter finally got on a consistent nap schedule. Then my son started preschool and my daughter started an Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) class. We have a weekly schedule!

Noah and Nat on our ice cream date at Culver's

But it’s still not easy. I make to-do lists each day and I’m lucky if I can cross off one or two items. I have difficulty completing a project because I’m doing multiple projects at once. I can’t eat without someone wanting to take something off my plate. I can’t pee alone. I don’t always shower or brush my teeth. I rarely sit down and I can’t find 10 uninterrupted minutes to return a phone call or send an email.

I did, however, experience an eye opener with my ECFE parent educator. She simply asked us to ask ourselves, “What’s not wrong with your life?”

I’ll be honest, it was hard to think about what wasn’t wrong. It’s so easy to tick off the frustrations that I experience daily. But when I thought about it—really thought about it—I realized that I could come up with a lot of things. And it made me appreciate every single moment I get to spend at home with my children.

For instance…

· Both of my kids are healthy right now (and it wasn’t that way a few months ago)

· My daughter Natalee danced along with Sesame Street

· Nat kissed her baby the same way I kiss her

· My son Noah told me, “You’re the greatest mom ever. Like ever.”

· Noah and I watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and he sang along to the song

· At Target, Noah got a sucker and browsed each of the toy aisles. He proclaimed that “this was the most special day ever!”

As I ate my sad-looking turkey sandwich on a Star Wars plate recently, I reflected on this incredible time in my life. This stay-at-home mom lifestyle is rarely glamorous, but there are some truly astounding, mind-boggling moments that I’ll treasure forever.

Nat helping with the laundry

And I really don’t know what the future holds. Right now, I am planning to go back to work when Natalee goes to kindergarten. In the meantime, I’m writing when I can and keeping my eyes open for some freelance opportunities. But now, at this point in my life, my full-time job is raising my children to be strong, independent and kind people.

That leads me to another cliché about parenthood that I have found to be the truest of all: “The days are long, but the years are short.” I’m determined to enjoy every moment I can. It’s a gift for me and for my children that we’ll carry with us always.